A path not taken is not a lost one

Hard to believe I haven't posted anything since August. Then again I'm not surprised. Life in a new town can get pretty hectic. Where do I start? Gosh so much has happened lately I'm not sure.

Work is going great! I still can't believe I get to write for a living. I pinch myself often to make sure it's real. I started out producing the noon and 4 newscasts. Those are kind of the "training" shows for new producers. I'm not going to lie the first month or so was pretty rough. I had no idea what I was doing and it showed. To be fair ahead of this I had only had two months at my internship at Alabama to really prepare. Every other producer has been at another station before WCSC so they were already ahead of the game.

Let me be frank and say that I have a competitive nature. I always strive for perfection. Sometimes that's a great motivator and then other times it's a huge hindrance. Perfection is not achievable. It's a goal. It's something to work towards.

So, with that being said I was pretty rough on myself that first month or so. I cried. A lot. No matter how much I tried I just didn't feel like I was getting it. Expectations were high and they were even higher for me. I had poor time management. I didn't double-check my supers -- those are the little lines at the bottom of the screen during the newscast. I was making simple grammatical and just simple mistakes in general. I was feeling defeated. I was asking myself what the actual f*** am I doing here? Am I really cut out for this line of work? Was the Master's degree really worth it?

Yes to all the above. Because now only three months into my job I have already been moved to a new show. I am now producing the 4:30 am show and soon I will produce the weekend morning show as well. Moving to overnights has been tough. I have only been doing it for a week and it's been hard on my body. I went from working an 8 to 5 to now having to come in at 10:30 at night and not leave until 6:30 the next morning. Yeah, not the ideal shift I know. But, it really hasn't been all that bad.

It's a different vibe overnight for sure. It's much quieter and I feel like I can focus a bit more on what I'm doing. Let me explain what a typical day in the newsroom looks like. You come in, log into your computer, and immediately open at least twelve tabs on your desktop. Email is the prime way journalists communicate.

For producers, that is where a majority of the content for our shows comes from. See a producer is basically the captain of a newscast. We are responsible for filling the show with "newsworthy" content. That may be local or national content. We collect the stories and put them in what's called a rundown. That is our template for how the show will eventually look on air. We write the scripts for the anchors to read on prompter (other than reporter stories -- they write those themselves.) We control where the anchor is on camera. What the supers (what I mentioned earlier) say and when they play on screen. Who talks on camera and when. In short, producers are responsible for how viewers see the news.

Let me also say that I'm NOT saying that anchors and reporters don't do anything. That is far from the truth. A 30 minute or hour-long newscast is a full group effort. Anchors sometimes have stories that they run every week that they put together. Reporters are either assigned or pitch a story they want to cover and then they do all the leg work for that story. They find the interviews, they make the phone calls, send the emails, write the scripts, shoot and edit the video, and then also have to appear on camera.

The reason I am a producer is the writing aspect mainly. But, I do get to be a journalist too. I get to research content and stories and figure out if it's worth telling the public about. There are some things that are required to be run by managers. That is mainly local content, but there are some things that producers find that others may not have picked up on. That's a great feeling. Finding something no one else has and being able to claim it as your find.

The other producers I work with are beyond talented. Even though I am the oldest producer as of now, besides Taylor who was recently promoted to manager, they all have taught me so much in just a short amount of time. Whether it be writing techniques, where to look for content, how to stack my show, or different ways I can make my show look. I am very thankful for how much this newsroom works together.

Ok, I got a bit off track but you get the idea right? My favorite part of my job is probably the fact that no two days are the same. News is constantly changing. Every day there is something new to report on. Something new happens or is learned every day. I love that.

Before graduate school, I waitressed or was in the food industry at some capacity for almost 10 years. I loved that too. Fast-paced, new people, free food, lifelong friendships. All amazing. But I knew after a certain point I needed to find my passion again and make my dream happen. Writing. Something I always loved and always wanted to make a career out of. It keeps me at peace.

If you haven't read some of my previous posts, I was in a bad headspace for a long time. I was depressed and angry and just over life. I let myself get stagnant with the day to day and it was killing me from the inside out. Those who were close to me knew something was wrong, but I played it off like I was fine. I don't know why I or other people are afraid of speaking about their mental health. It does matter!

Back on track. The most surreal thing about this entire thing is I can remember the first time I said I could see myself being a producer. I was an 18-year-old high school senior. I was just a couple of months away from graduating and we had a career day at school. We had been touring different local businesses to get a feel of what careers were out there. Prepping for college was overwhelming and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I thought I did, but when you get into the process of filling out college applications you start questioning everything.

Anyways, we went to tour a local news station that day. WKRG News 5 in Mobile, Alabama. It was one of the better-known stations in the area. I couldn't tell you the majority of what we saw or heard that day, but I can tell you the moment I learned about producing. We all were in a conference room and one of the reporters or someone came in to tell us a bit more about the different positions at the station. I remember him talking about producing and what all was involved with it and I was so intrigued. I can actually write for a living and not be an author? I remember at that moment, I turned to one of my classmates and said "I would love to do something like that."

If anyone has ever told you that manifesting isn't real, they lied to you. I may not have realized it then, but that one moment changed the course of my life. I found communications and journalism and decided that I wanted to be a journalist in some way. Producing was not always the end goal but over time I realized that I was good at it and really enjoyed it.

I went on to get my Bachelor's and experienced so much rejection trying to get a job. I gave up for a long time. I went through a lot of life changes over those next three years. At one point I convinced myself that I would never be more than a waitress. I would be stuck in south Alabama for the rest of my life and be miserable. Just because you get off track sometimes, doesn't mean it isn't there anymore. Roads don't disappear just because you don't choose to walk them. It took me ten years to get here. 10 long years. I'll be 28 in a couple of weeks and I am just now feeling like I am "getting my life together."

I am so thankful for this moment in my life. I waited and worked my ass off to get where I am right now. I moved away from everything I knew which broke my heart. I was devastated to leave my bubble and my people. I miss them every day. I have the greatest support system in the world. They push me to be better, remind me how strong I am, and are always in my corner.

Alabama will forever be my home, but I knew I couldn't grow anymore where I was. Now here I am working my dream job, in a beautiful city and with constant potential right in front of me. I get to say I am writing this outside of a coffee shop, sipping a warm latte, listening to my writing playlist while watching the sunset in the distance. What? Now you see why I have to pinch myself sometimes. This is my life and I am beyond proud of myself.

If I could give anyone any piece of advice from my short 26 years on this earth it's this....yes you can! Make the move. Take the chance. Leave the bubble. Your friends and family will still be there. And if they aren't then they weren't meant to be in this part of the story. That's ok. You'll make more friends. You'll meet more people. You can't grow if you don't push your limits.

Am I lonely sometimes? Hell yes. I have my great days and I have really shitty days too. That doesn't mean tomorrow isn't a new opportunity. I am still learning to trust myself and be willing to put myself out there. I can be a bit of a recluse at times. I love having my own space. I feel safe. With that being said, I know I need people. I need that interaction to feel "normal." Whatever that word really means. This stage of my life is something I always imagined as a little girl and now I get to live it. It took time and I wanted to give up and throw my hand up. A LOT! I kept going. I kept working and thriving. I have so many people to thank for that. I'll probably save that for another post.

So, that's a little about my journey so far and what led up to where I am now. I know I went on a bit of a rant, but writing helps me think clearly and I've had too much on my mind lately. I hope you enjoyed it and maybe I helped you figure some things out too. Keep going. You got this. Everything you want out of life is possible. It just comes down to you and what you're willing to do about it. Thank you all for your time and support. Happy reading friends.